Kathy Eugster
July 22, 2025
While playing with your child might seem simple, there are specific play skills that can make your time together even more meaningful and beneficial. We’ll explore the benefits of learning and using intentional play skills, and how even small changes in how you play can make a big difference in your child’s development and in your relationship with them.
To make things simple, I have developed a Playtime Quick Start Series where you can learn a play skill in five minutes or less! This Blog will teach you how to use the Encouragement Skill, one of the nine play skills I have identified to help parents connect with their children through play.
Instructions for the Encouragement Skill:
The objective of using the Encouragement Skill is to empower your child by helping them to internalize their strengths and efforts.
Notice when your child is working or has worked hard on a task. Your child may even bring it to your attention (“Look at my picture, Daddy!”). Encourage your child by using Encouraging Statements, which are basically Describing or Feelings Identification Statements that focus on and acknowledge your child’s feelings, strengths, or efforts in doing something.
Examples:
Feelings:
- “You’re proud of that!”
- “You’re happy with how that turned out.”
Efforts:
- “I can see you’re working really hard on that.”
- “You’re determined to get that.”
- “Looks like you’ve spent a lot of time thinking that through.”
- “You worked hard to get that just how you want it.”
Strengths:
- “Sounds like you know a lot about dogs.”
- “It looks like you know how to make a car out of Lego!”
- “You were frustrated, but you stuck with it and figured it out!”
- “You did it!”
- “You are doing that just the way you want to.”
Keep the following in mind:
- When using the Encouragement Skill, refrain from praising your child for doing something well. Verbal evaluative praise focuses on reinforcement of a specific desired behavior or outcome. For example, refrain from saying, “Great job!” “Terrific!” “That’s wonderful!” “You did a fantastic job,” or “You’re awesome!” when using the Encouragement Skill.
- Remember also, to refrain from suggesting ideas, approving or disapproving of anything, or asking any questions when using the Encouragement Skill!
Afterwards, reflect on this activity:
- How did you feel doing this activity?
- How did your child respond when you used the Encouragement Skill?
- Keep track over several days of the times you used the Encouragement Skill rather than verbally praising your child for doing something. Are you noticing the times you automatically praise your child? Is it becoming easier to use the Encouragement Skill?
For more information on using the Encouragement Skill:
Why is Encouragement More Powerful Than Praise?
You may want to consider this:
If you are interested in learning more about parent-child playtime, please see my book, Play Skills for Parents: Connecting With Your Child Through Play.
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Copyright Kathy Eugster, MA, 2025.
Please feel free to pass on this article to anyone you think might find it useful.
Contact me at: keugster@telus.net