By Kathy Eugster
February 9, 2022
When I was working with children as a play therapist, I would often find that children would need some initial direction, structure or prompting to engage in playtime with me. After this initial direction, they would feel more comfortable getting involved in the play and would begin to use their creative ideas and imaginations. Children may be hesitant to engage in playtime for many reasons. Perhaps they are not sure whether their ideas or choices will be accepted. Or, they may just not be used to making their own decisions.
In any case, sometimes it’s necessary for parents to “jump in” and let their children know it’s okay to be playful and to have fun together. In this article, I will outline some parent-directed play strategies to help you encourage your child to engage in playtime. I have ordered these strategies from least directive to most directive.
Imitate what your child is doing.
You may choose to play independently with your child and just imitate what your child is doing.
- Your child is putting blocks together. You sit beside her and put blocks together in a similar manner. Ideally, she will become interested in what you are doing and may, for example, ask you to help her build a house.
- Your child is rolling out play dough into little balls. You sit beside him and do the same thing. Your child may notice what you are doing and possibly give you some directions on what he wants you to do with the play dough.
Elaborate what your child is doing.
With parent-directed play, you may choose to elaborate the play your child is engaged in. When you elaborate your child’s play, you add something to it to make it different or more complex in some way.
- Your child is putting some play food into a bowl. You put some play food into a pot and elaborate the play by putting this on the toy stove and pretending to cook the food. Your child may then start cooking food on the stove and may even begin to cook a meal for his stuffed animals.
- Your child has set up her dinosaurs. You elaborate the play by using some blocks to make enclosures or pens for the dinosaurs. Your child may then get the idea, for example, to pretend it is night and have the dinosaurs lie down and go to sleep in the enclosures.
Initiate a play activity by doing something yourself.
With parent-directed play, you can initiate a play activity by starting the play activity yourself.
- You start building or making something, for example, you start putting Lego together, making something that resembles a vehicle. You put a Lego character in the vehicle and drive it around the floor. Ideally, this will spark your child’s interest and he may start building a vehicle for another character.
- You start setting up some toys, for example, you take out the baskets of small cars and trucks and you start lining them up. Then you get out a box and start driving the cars inside. Your child may start to add something to the story by telling you he is going to add a car wash beside the garage.
Take on an imaginary role either yourself or through a toy.
With parent-directed play, using this strategy, you are joining your child in play and elaborating the play scenario by taking on an imaginary role.
- Your child is lining up the wild animals. You choose the zebra figure, move it close to another animal figure, and give the zebra a voice by saying something like, “Oh hi! What’s your name? My name is Stripes. What do you want to do today?” Ideally, this will prompt your child to take on the role of another animal and start engaging in imaginary play with the animals.
- Your child is putting the princesses in the castle. You choose a princess and give her a voice by saying, “Oh no, I’ve lost my brush!” and start moving her around the castle looking for her brush. Your child may tell you to stop doing that, so you would stop. But this may have prompted your child to come up with another idea for the story, for example, she may have all the princesses look for the brush.
Initiate or elaborate the play by providing ideas and props for the activity.
With parent-directed play, you can make changes or add to the play activity. Supply props for the story. Add characters, develop a new plot to an imaginary story. Provide some ideas on doing things differently or mastering a task.
- You decide to help your child start an imaginary play scenario and say something like, “Let’s make a space station for your astronaut characters. We can pretend they’re on a mission to Mars. We can use this box. I’ll cut holes in it for doors and windows. Where should I put them?” This may encourage your child to engage in the play, for example by telling you how to make the space station and by collecting all her astronaut characters.
- You get out some old pillows and cushions and say something to your child like, “Today let’s make a road with these pillows. Let me show you.” Then you lay out the pillows and cushions in a line on the floor, getting your child to help you. You suggest making a bridge by raising up one of the cushions with some other cushions at each end. Ideally your child will start to have some ideas and add to this activity, or you could suggest some ideas, for example, by walking on the “road,” rolling vehicles along the road, or having the bridge break.
Initiate a specific play activity by giving clear directions on what to do.
With this parent-directed play strategy, you are being very directive and structured by giving clear and concise instructions on how to engage in the play activity.
- You decide to play Red Light/Green Light. You say something like, “I’ve got a good idea for a fun game we can play. Here’s how it goes. I am the traffic signal and you are the traffic. You can drive anywhere around the room when I say “Green Light” and put my hand up in the air. Then you have to watch and listen and when I say “Red Light” and put my hand down in front of me, you have to stop right away and stay still until I say “Green Light” and put my hand up again. Ready?”
- You decide to play the Sticker Game. You say, “Let’s play the sticker game today. We will take turns putting stickers on each other. You can start by choosing a sticker and putting it on me. Then I will choose a sticker and put it on you.”
Additional Tips to Keep in Mind
Choose play activities that are interesting and possibly somewhat challenging for your child. But remember to keep the activity age-appropriate; you don’t want something too challenging otherwise your child may disengage from the play or become resistant.
Be playful! Express positive emotions through facial expressions and body language. Laugh, smile. Make eye contact. You can even act in a goofy or silly way, for example talk in a funny voice or make a funny face. Pretend to be scared, confused, surprised, incompetent, angry, or sad and exaggerate these feelings in a comical way without frightening your child.
Incorporate surprise into the play without being frightening. Usually surprising and novel things and situations will spark children’s interests.
This Point is Important:
“Back off” to a Nondirective Role and switch to Child-Directed Playtime when your child becomes engaged in the play activity.
You may want to consider this:
If you are interested in learning more about parent-child play, please see my book, Play Skills for Parents: Connecting With Your Child Through Play, for comprehensive guidelines. This is the book that will help make playtime easier and more enjoyable for you and your child. My book is unique in that it will provide you with a framework for engaging in parent-child play that can be applied to any play activity.
Also, you may want to subscribe to my email list (see below) to be the first to know when I post new Blogs, usually every month.
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Copyright Kathy Eugster, MA, 2022.
Please feel free to pass on this article to anyone you think might find it useful.
Contact me at: keugster@telus.net