by Kathy Eugster
May 31, 2022
Imaginary, pretend, or make-believe play is a kind of play that most children love to engage in. With this kind of play, children are using their imaginations to create not only realistic, but also fantastical representations of real life. Children learn about the real world by playing out situations and themes both realistically and symbolically with toys and other play materials. Child development experts agree that imaginary play is important for healthy child development in so many ways.
Parents may wonder if they should get involved in their children’s imaginary play. This is a great question, because children definitely need time and space on their own to use their imaginations to develop stories and ideas in playtime. Children will frequently take advantage of unstructured free playtime to develop creative imaginary play scenarios. This is necessary for healthy child development.
However, parents can, and should, become involved in their children’s imaginary play at times because this is an excellent way to strengthen the parent-child relationship. Please see my blog on De-mystifying Imaginary Play for tips on engaging in imaginary play with your child.
When parents join in their children’s imaginary play, they are entering their child’s special world. When this happens, children are able to observe their parents from a completely different, and refreshing, perspective. And the good news is that you can do this in a short period of time! Even just spending 10 minutes engaging with your child in imaginary play will allow your child to receive many of the benefits of this type of parent-child play. Of course, you can spend longer in play, but even just 10 minutes spent with your child providing your full attention and with no distractions is beneficial for your child in so many ways!
I like to think that you can join in your child’s imaginary play in two different ways:
- In a child-directed way where you are in a Nondirective Role and wait for your child to invite you to join in the imaginary play and then follow your child’s directions
- In a parent-directed way where you are in a Directive Role and facilitate the imaginary play by structuring some aspect of the play
Please see my Blog, Jumping In or Backing Off? Directive and Nondirective Parent Roles in Playtime for more information on these two important parent roles.
Tips for Child-Directed Imaginary Playtime
- Put yourself into a Nondirective Role.
- Wait for your child to invite you to join her in imaginary play. For example, your child may say, “Dad let’s pretend to be pirates searching for treasure” or “Dad, you be the purple dragon.”
- Follow your child’s directions on how she wants you to play.
- If your child gives you no directions on how to play, play the way you think your child would want you to play. Your child will correct you if you are wrong, so just follow the directions.
- Ask no questions to your child, other than if you are really unsure of what to do, you can ask a brief question to get clarification.
- If you are pretending to be another character, the words and actions you give your character would be those that you think your child would want that character to say or do.
- Stay in a Nondirective Role; that means you are not adding or changing anything to the imaginary story. Your child is the director of the story.
- Let your child direct how the story unfolds, even if the themes seem uncomfortable or difficult.
- If your child starts to engage in unsafe or destructive behaviors or tells you to engage in unsafe or destructive behaviors, switch into a Directive Role, limit these behaviors and re-direct to an appropriate behavior, then switch back to a Nondirective Role.
Tips for Parent-Directed Imaginary Playtime
- Put yourself into a Directive Role.
- Initiate a specific imaginary play scenario by making suggestions, providing specific toys and props, and setting things up, for example, you may say, “Let’s make up a story where these astronauts go to explore a new world. We can use this box for the space ship.”
- Or, “jump in” to an imaginary play scenario that your child is already engaged in.
- Structure the imaginary play in a way to meet your child’s needs, for example by:
- initiating or elaborating a particular play theme
- identifying or changing the plot
- introducing various characters
- role-modeling behaviors
- inserting a moral or lesson into the story
- providing a positive ending to the story
- Keep in mind that you can always “back off” to a Nondirective Role at any point and let your child have some say in how the story unfolds.
- If your child starts to engage in unsafe or destructive behaviors or tells you to engage in unsafe or destructive behaviors, limit these behaviors and re-direct to an appropriate behavior.
Here are some questions to consider:
- Which style of imaginary play did your child enjoy the most?
- Which style of imaginary play did you enjoy the most?
- Were you able to switch between child-directed and parent-directed styles within one playtime?
I LOVE imaginary play! With this type of play there are so many opportunities to connect with each other and to just enjoy each other’s company.
You may want to consider this:
If you are interested in learning more about parent-child play, please see my book, Play Skills for Parents: Connecting With Your Child Through Play, for comprehensive guidelines. This book will help make playtime easier and more enjoyable for you and your child. My book is unique in that it will provide you with a framework for engaging in parent-child play that can be applied to any play activity.
Also, you may want to subscribe to my email list (see below) to be the first to know when I post new Blogs, usually every month.
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Copyright Kathy Eugster, MA, 2022.
Please feel free to pass on this article to anyone you think might find it useful.
Contact me at: keugster@telus.net