by Kathy Eugster
May 28, 2025
As parents, we all want to raise confident, kind, and capable children. We cheer them on, celebrate their wins, and offer praise when they do something well. But what if the key to truly empowering our children isn’t in the praise we give, but in how we encourage them?
While praise is often well-intentioned, research suggests that encouragement is more effective in building a child’s self-esteem, resilience, and internal motivation. Understanding the difference between praise and encouragement, and learning how to use encouragement intentionally, can make a big difference in your child’s development.
Praise can be very useful and appropriate in many parenting situations. With praise, parents are making a positive evaluation about their child or of something their child has done. Praise indicates parental approval and as such is generally very rewarding and reinforcing for children. This means they will be inclined to repeat the praised behavior, which is helpful when you are teaching something to your child.
However, praise does not allow parents to understand the experiences of their children during their efforts to master something. Encouragement will empower your child because these statements are more likely to be internalized by your child than praise. When parents notice and acknowledge their children’s strengths and efforts, their children learn to acknowledge and internalize their own positive qualities, which builds and reinforces self-esteem and self-confidence.
Encouragement empowers children by letting them know they are valued for being themselves and not for achieving some specific outcome.
Praise vs. Encouragement: What’s the Difference?
Praise tends to focus on the outcome and often involves a value judgement, for example:
- “You’re so smart!”
- “Good job!”
- “You’re the best player on the team.”
- “Wow, fantastic job making that car!”
- “I love what you did!”
- “You’re so good at that!”
- “Terrific!”
- “Yes, that’s beautiful.”
- “You’re awesome at painting.”
- “I’m so proud of you.”
- “That’s wonderful!”
Encouragement, on the other hand, focuses on your child’s efforts and strengths, improvements, or specific actions, for example:
- “You worked really hard on that project.”
- “You know how to count!”
- “You’re determined to get that.”
- “Oh look at the progress you made – I see you put lots of stickers on the box, and you drew lots of colors on the lid; and you even attached a string on this end!”
- “I noticed how patient you were with your little brother.”
- “You kept practicing, even when it was tough – look how much you’ve improved!”
- “You’re trying hard to figure that out.”
- “Sounds like you know a lot about dinosaurs!”
- “You’re feeling satisfied with how you put that together.”
- “You’re doing that just the way you want to.”
- “You’ve got a plan.”
Encouragement helps children recognize their own effort and progress, rather than seeking approval or labels from others.
Why Encouragement Matters
- Builds Internal Motivation: Encouraged children learn to take pride in their efforts and growth, not just the outcome. This helps them stay motivated even when things get difficult.
- Fosters a Growth Mindset: By focusing on effort and strategy rather than fixed traits like intelligence or talent, encouragement helps kids believe they can improve through hard work.
- Develops Self-Awareness: Encouragement helps children reflect on what they did and how it felt. Instead of relying on external validation, they start to develop their own sense of accomplishment.
- Strengthens Relationships: When children feel truly seen and heard, it builds trust and connection. Encouragement shows that you notice their process, not just their results.
Encouragement in Action: Simple Shifts for Parents
Here are a few ways you can shift from praise to encouragement in everyday moments:
- From: “You’re such a good artist!”
- To: “You chose such bright colors and filled the whole page – tell me about your picture!”
- From: “You’re so smart!”
- To: “You figured out a new way to solve that problem – how did you come up with that?”
- From: “Great job cleaning up!”
- To: “You put everything back in its place. That was very responsible of you.”
- From: “You’re so fast and strong!”
- To: “You got that ball further than last time!”
These small changes invite conversation, show appreciation for effort, and help children feel capable and valued.
Final Thoughts
Encouragement isn’t about withholding praise – it’s about offering something even more powerful: a belief in your child’s abilities and potential. By focusing on efforts and strengths, progress, and the process, you give your child the tools to believe in themselves.
So next time your child does something worth celebrating, pause and think: how can I encourage them in a way that helps them grow? You might be surprised at how far encouragement can take them.
You may want to consider this:
If you are interested in learning more about parent-child playtime, please see my book, Play Skills for Parents: Connecting With Your Child Through Play.
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Copyright Kathy Eugster, MA, 2025.
Please feel free to pass on this article to anyone you think might find it useful.
Contact me at: keugster@telus.net