by Kathy Eugster
April 24, 2023
Most parents understand that playing with a 3-year-old is not the same as playing with a 10-year-old. Children change and develop so quickly. It can be difficult for parents to keep up and understand how to play in different ways as their child grows.
In general, the younger the child, the more guidance and assistance the child will require from the parent, which means that for younger children, parents need to structure the play and provide support more frequently than for older children. However, the important thing to know here is, even if you are generally more directive with your younger child, you can still allow them to make their own choices and decisions in certain situations on how the play unfolds rather than always directing your child on what to do and how to do it.
As children grow and develop, although they continue to require their parents to be available and attentive, they also require more independence and autonomy, even during playtime. It becomes important for parents to put themselves into a nondirective role more frequently to allow their children freedom to decide how the play unfolds (as long as things stay safe). Of course, you would still “jump in” to assist or guide your child if they need help, but you would “back off” more frequently to allow your child opportunities to decide on what to do and how to do it.
Please see the following Blog articles for more information:
- Jumping In or Backing Off? Directive and Nondirective Parent Roles in Playtime
- Advanced Parent-Child Playtime: Switching Between Child-Directed Play and Parent-Directed Play
Now, let’s have a look at the various ages and stages of childhood and how parents can approach them from a play perspective.
Children under 3-years-old
Babies 0- to 12-months-old use their senses to look, listen, and explore with their hands, feet, and mouths. This is the beginning of sensorimotor play, which is important throughout childhood. Children this age are learning to roll over and to sit and are beginning to manipulate objects. Older infants are beginning to crawl, stand, and walk. The best way to play with a baby is to respond to and engage with them face-to-face. Be sensitive to your baby’s cues and signals for when they want to play and when they have had enough.
Toddlers ages 1- to 3-years-old enjoy active play such as running, climbing, rolling, kicking, throwing, and catching. Here children start to take pleasure in putting things together, such as shape sorting and stacking or grouping objects. Children around 2-years-old are beginning to copy adult actions like cooking and cleaning. This is the beginning of pretend or imaginary play, which will continue to develop in complexity throughout childhood.
Toys and materials for children 3 years and older are not appropriate for children under 3 years old. Toys for this age must meet stringent safety guidelines, for example, non-toxic, safe for mouthing, non-breakable, and no small parts.
Children 3- to 5-years old
Children in this age range love to be physically active and to run, jump, climb, and balance. They also love to learn, especially about how things can be put together and how things work.
At this stage, children continue to develop an interest in imaginary or pretend play, which is basically the most creative form of play. Children generally love it when their parents join in the imaginary play as one of the characters. This is where parents can still be involved in the play, but can also “back off” and let their child direct how the imaginary play story unfolds.
Children this age love to create and make things. Arts and crafts items for this age range would include paper of all sizes, cardboard boxes, crayons, markers, chalk, safety scissors, glue, tape, string, stickers, Play-Doh, and paints. Parents can “jump in” to support their children in these activities, however, they can also “back off” and allow their children’s creative skills to develop. Sensorimotor activities such as sand and water play and Play-Doh will also help develop fine-motor skills.
Children in this age range are starting to learn how to share and take turns, but hate to lose. Competitive games, such as board or card games or sports activities, are generally more suited to children 6-years or older, however, there are some cooperative games or competitive games of luck that are suitable for children 4- to 5-years-old.
Children 6- to 8-years old
Children in this age range enjoy physically active large-muscle activities. Active play at this age can include many sports and outdoor play activities.
Here children enjoy more complex arts and crafts and construction activities. They are interested in learning and solving puzzles, and are able to make use of reading and simple math in games and toys. They can understand and enjoy riddles and jokes. They may be interested in collecting things. Although it is important to direct your child to specific activities, it is also important to allow your child to choose to engage in activities that they are interested in and enjoy and for you to show interest in these activities.
Pretend and imaginary play continues to develop in complexity in children over six years old. They love to make up stories and they may even want to put on shows for others. Again, with this type of play, parents can support their children’s imagination and creative ideas by letting their children lead and direct the play activity and by showing interest and curiosity in what their children are doing. This can be particularly beneficial for children in this age range, since most things in their lives are highly structured (school and extra-curricular activities) and parent-child play that is child-directed allows children opportunities to make choices and decisions for themselves.
Children 6 years and older are interested in simple competitive games with rules of either luck or skill and want to play fair, but don’t like to lose and may even cheat to win!
Children 9- to 12-years-old
Children in this age range have more advanced and possibly even specialized interests and skills and are able to do and master more complex activities than younger children. They are able to learn about and understand more advanced ideas and concepts. They may enjoy complex construction sets with many parts. Arts and crafts projects may also be quite complex and include a variety of materials. Making up and acting out stories in imaginary and dramatic play can still be very interesting for this age range.
Children in this age range enjoy competitive games and sports that require skill and strategy. They are able to stick to the rules of the game and will accept losing.
As children enter their preteen years, they become more independent and school, extracurricular activities, and a growing social life become very important for them. Although staying connected with your child may be more of a challenge, it is still very important for this age range.
This age can be difficult when children act as if their parents’ interest and guidance is not needed. Find “ordinary” things to do together, for example walking the dog, baking cookies, or even just riding in the car. Stay interested in your child’s interests without being intrusive. This can be a wonderful age to use child-directed play strategies when you communicate with your child, such as listening, being non-judgemental, and being accepting of different ideas.
Role-modeling qualities you want your child to learn, for example respectful communication, kindness, healthy habits, and fulfilling responsibilities, is just as important, if not more important, than instructing your child on these qualities.
In Summary
Younger children will benefit from a more structured and “hands on” approach to playtime, whereas older children will do well with more autonomy and independence during playtime. However, the important point to keep in mind here is that children need their parents’ attention throughout all the ages and stages of childhood.
You may want to consider this:
If you are interested in learning more about parent-child play, please see my book, Play Skills for Parents: Connecting With Your Child Through Play, for comprehensive guidelines. This book will help make playtime easier and more enjoyable for you and your child. My book is unique in that it will provide you with a framework for engaging in parent-child play that can be applied to any play activity.
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Copyright Kathy Eugster, MA, 2023.
Please feel free to pass on this article to anyone you think might find it useful.
Contact me at: kathy@pacificspiritplay.com